Recently I realized that I was thinking in blog posts on occasion throughout my day, composing potential posts rather than normal thoughts. My first thought was, “Maybe I really am a writer at heart.” A happy thought and one that certainly may be the case, although I don’t claim to possess incredible talent or formal training. I’ve just always enjoyed writing, ever since I wrote a set of poems about the seasons for my fifth grade teacher, and when a classmate saw them and accused me of plagiarism. I faked some other things in my day, such as chicken pox (a.k.a. chalk circles on my arms) to get the attention of a boy in first grade (why I thought chicken pox would make him like me, I don’t know) and pretending I knew cursive to get the popular girl to like me in first grade (I remember clearly her declaration that it was nothing but “chicken-scratch”). Geez, first grade was a tough year… But anyway, of all the things I faked, my writing was not one of them, and writing is something that is a part of me, something I thought to be confirmed by my strange blog-think.
But when it happened again last night, an alternate explanation occurred to me. Maybe I have become a recluse and the lack of social interaction leads my mind to formulate thoughts specifically for the medium that is my only contact with the outside world! Ok, maybe that’s a little extreme. But it is kind of startling how a different perspective can totally change the meaning of an occurrence, isn’t it?
Speaking of writing, I have recently found some encouragement and fresh inspiration as a writer from a very gifted poet friend of mine (you know who you are. 😉 ). I used to write a lot of poems for friends, both funny and serious ones, and share my other poems with people as well, but some time ago it became something more private for me. Most often they have been spiritual poems that feel like a private form of worship or dialogue between God and me, so I have mostly kept them to myself. I am still unsure whether I will share most of them with others, especially on a blog for the world to see, but seeing as the creation of this site was inspired by a poem, I thought it would be nice to post one.
So here is one of my old poems about my personal and spiritual journey and my relationship with God. The poem was sort of foundational for me, with a lot of my subsequent writing making reference to this one. Maybe you’ll get to see some of those in the future? But for now, here’s a glimpse:
I am a butterfly, transformed
but I don’t know how to fly.
I long to praise you with the colors of my wings
To flutter across the sky
To soar for you
To soar to you
But I crawl along the ground
Unaware of my strength, unaware more still of my beauty
Unaware that I can fly
with your strength the wind gliding under my wings
Why do I fear the inevitable flight?
The flight I must take if I am ever to do what I was created to
If I am ever to really live.
Why do I grow increasingly restless on this ground?
My heart begins to feel
I don’t belong here anymore
I will sit lost in contemplation
Drowning in my dreams
Until one delightful, intoxicating day
When the fear of staying will become greater than the fear of flying
I will look up to the sky
I will trust, I will believe
And I will finally soar
” He is what creates, and we creatures are in the act of becoming.” -Carlo Carretto